Real Men Wear Lemons
by sexyspork
Summary: [NickHodges] David’s a real man, and Nick appreciates that on so many levels.


Title: Real Men Wear Lemons

By sexyspork

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Nick/David

Spoilers: Allusions to _Bully for You_ in season 2.

Warning: Diabetic inducing fluff and abuse of lemons. Oh, and two naked men. X3

Summary: David's a real man, and Nick appreciates that on so many levels.

**Greg**: (_sniffs at Sara_) You smell like death.  
**Sara**: I've heard.  
**Greg**: You know... a real man wouldn't mind.

This is all Greg's fault, because he's the sweetest thing ever.

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When Nick Stokes walked into their house smelling the whole place up, David Hodges simply wrinkled his nose and herded the CSI towards the shower. Stripping was made difficult, seeing as Nick tried to sneak in a few kisses here and there, which caused David to breathe through his nose. And breathing through his nose was a Very Bad Thing when Nick smelled like over-ripe decomp, and he gagged for a few moments while Nick snickered.

"Finish undressing and put those in the burn pile." David said, grimacing and wishing he didn't have a good a nose as he did. Because even though stuff like this truly didn't bother him any more, he couldn't fight his physiological reactions any more than Sara could. Wait- did he say Sara? He _obviously _meant Greg.

Please note the use of heavy sarcasm.

"I'm not burning my clothes." Nick grumbled, pulling his shirt over his head and David was momentarily distracted by a flash of hard muscle.

"You live under my roof, they burn." David threw over his shoulder, heading towards the kitchen while pulling off his own shirt and tossing it aside. Opening the fridge to grab the bag of lemons that were always kept in stock in the Hodges-Stokes residence, he cut them in halves before he turned around to head back towards his smelly boyfriend.

"My house, too!" Nick called over the running water, and David simply shook his head with a grin.

"You're a CSI level III, you can afford a new outfit."

David entered the already steamy bathroom, and took note that Nick was already in the shower (_most likely hogging all the hot water, too_) and probably trying in vain to get the smell off. Handing the bag to the other man while he pulled off the rest of his clothes, David quickly entered behind his boyfriend.

"Not for every decomp we do." Nick said, already squeezing a lemon over the top of his head. David gave him a look, which he missed, and grabbed the other half of the citrus and began to rub it over Nick's broad shoulders.

"It's not like you do that many." David paused, head cocked slightly as his hand stilled. "I mean, you work with _dead people_, so it's a no duh that you'll get a couple that reek. But how often do you get homo sapien soup? Not often enough for it to hurt your bank account anyways, and if it keeps _my_ clothes from smelling, I'll foot the bill and-"

"David," Nick turned to look over his shoulder at the trace technician with an amused look on his face.

"Right. Babbling. Sorry." David shook his head slightly to derail from the tangent that suddenly commandeered his mouth. "Where were we again?"

"Lemons, making me smell better?" Nick began innocently as he turned around to face the other man, and David gave him a look because he knew where his boyfriend's train of thought was heading. "And hopefully sex, both of which are wonderful things."

David snorted, and began to cover Nick in the fruit's juice once more. "Like hell we are having sex while you smell like a dead body."

"I thought you loved me?" The crushed look on Nick's face would have worked in David hadn't already been immune. _Shouldn't have used it so much, and maybe it'd still be effective_, he thought with a snicker.

"I do, and you're lucky I don't hose you down outside like a dog. I don't know about you, but the aroma of zombies really isn't a turn on."

Nick just grinned and scrubbed his hair a bit harder. David's eyes narrowed, watching his boyfriend very carefully. Nick just gave him the most innocent, good ole' boy scout expression in his arsenal (_which ranged from adorably cute to OMG!-I-just-want-to-take-you-home-and-squish-you!_). The trace technician continued to watch him warily.

"What?" Nick asked, brown eyes wide with such innocence that it made David snort at his boyfriend's antics. People couldn't seriously _believe_ that Nick was nice an' sweet an' innocent all the time, could they? Because David had discovered early in their relationship that Nick was much more devious than people gave him credit for, and he knew how to use those big doe eyes of his.

Of course, it didn't matter much now, seeing as they no longer worked on David (_for the most part, anyways_).

"I am not going to have sex with you until you are smell and germ free." David said firmly, blinking as a bit of water ran down his forehead and into his eyes.

"Now I have germs, too?" Nick said with a growing smile.

"Nick, you just spent how many hours processing not a body, but a human stew that happened to contain God-only-knows amounts of germs and bacteria."

"But you kissed me earlier?"

_Damn_.

"Which is why my mouth will be sanitized to the same extremes that your body will."

"Germaphobe." Nick said affectionately, and David smirked.

"Do you even _know_ the techs at all? Of _course_ we are, but some are worse than others."

There was no need to voice the name the instantly popped into both their heads.

David then froze for a moment, before letting out a curse that had Nick smirking. Shoving the used lemon into Nick's free hand, he hopped out of the shower and swiftly dried off.

"I left dinner on." He said as he quickly wrapped a large, fluffy towel around his waist.

David sped down the hallway, leaving a trail of water behind him on the tiled floors (_because they knew clean up would be easiest if they had no carpets, plus the smell wouldn't linger_), and almost crashed into the kitchen. Turning the oven off, he breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed the roast was fine, if only a bit overcooked.

Side-stepping the small puddles of water with the note in mind to clean them up later, he stepped into their bedroom to grab a set of clothes to change into after he dried off fully. Or he would have, if Nick hadn't pushed him on their bed, and straddled him to effectively block David's only escape route.

David sighed melodramatically, "You have a one-track mind."

"It helps catch bad guys." Nick said with a grin. "So, do I pass inspection, General?"

David leaned forward, and took a liberal sniff of Nick's (_incredibly_) nice chest. There was the lingering hint, but Nick wouldn't be able to get rid of that unless he stayed in the shower for the rest of the night. But the nice dash of lemons hid it, and if David hadn't had a "super-nose", he never would have known.

"Clean enough." He said with a smirk, and dinner was forgotten as not another word was spoken for quite some time.

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I love Greg. He's the cutest thing ever, and I felt bad for Sara, and when Greg said what he did, I melted into a puddle of goo. And David could kick Hank's ass any day in the "real man" department, and I'm sure that makes Nick very, very happy. XD

This was written as a short quickie to keep me from burning out. 'Cause I'm almost done on the part 2 of the HP series, vampire!David, and part 1 of my colab with pabzi. And you can say I'm feeling the pressure since I have both Uni and my practicum on top of all this. But I'm one of those people who work well under pressure… XD


End file.
